Dear John, You’re a D-Bag. Love, America

Congrats.  You’ve been nominated for “Classiest Man of the Year,” John Mayer.  This newest fiasco with your interview in Playboy Magazine released yesterday has really taken discrimination to a whole new level.  How you managed to compare ex-girlfriend Jessica Simpson to cocaine, offend the entire female population, and drop the N-bomb all in one interview beats me.  That’s impressive, dude.  All in the Valentine’s Spirit!

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I guess, in John’s defense, Playboy is kind of the anti-Valentine’s mag.  For the record, I still think he’s on crack–just so we get that straight.  Well, I doubt teenyboppers will be googily-eyed over John Mayer this Valentine’s Day.  Instead, many will be taking down their precious posters (perfectly positioned above their beds) to be replaced with a more respectable boy toy.   Take it from me…I swapped my Chris Brown poster with Lebron James this past year.  Although extremely hard to part with my former hip-hop love, a girl’s gotta do her part to preserve a chivalrous society…right?

Since I’m pretty sure John Mayer’s fan base is NOT male-dominated, I think our singer might be in a little bit of a pickle.  What’s funny is his response saying, “I’ve been trying to prove to people I’m not a douche bag by not dating, by keeping my name out of US Weekly.” Are you serious?  That is a douche-y statement in its prime.  You define the word, boy.

Where is John’s poor publicist in this god-forsaken mess?  Man, I do not feel jealous of that job right now—crisis control on steroids.  Let’s take a look at what’s been done so far to fix this situation.  The first apology comes from Twitter, of course.  He tweets, “And while I’m using today for looking at myself under a harsh light, I think it’s time to stop trying to be so raw in interviews…It started as an attempt to not let the waves of criticism get to me, but it’s gotten out of hand and I’ve created somewhat of a monster.”  OK, so you want to be “raw?”  Yeah, yeah I get it; you’re an artist (la-tee-da)…and still an idiot.  None-the-less, I suppose this is a lame attempt at damage control.

Next, he pulls out all the stops with a heartfelt apology during his concert in Nashville on Wednesday, referring to himself as a “wormhole,” whatever that means.  According to entertainment blog, Reuters, “It was an emotional ending to the concert and even had some of Mayer’s band choking up.”  Personally, I think he should grow a pair…but check out the footage and judge for yourself.


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