Pickle-1 Nickelback-0

What do Snooki and Nickelback have in common? A BIG pickle, apparently.

photo by rollingstone.com

A few weeks ago, a brilliant facebook group surfaced called, “Can This Pickle Get More Fans than Nickelback?”  Upon first exposure, I had NO doubt in my mind this group would succeed and accomplish—no, surpass– the task at hand.  Well, sure enough… it did.  According to RollingStone, the group just reached the 1,487, 000 mark, since Feb. 3, while Nickelback has only about 1.4 million fans in its entire existence.  Hilarious.

I’d attribute this victory partially to Nickelback being a REALLY dumb band and partially because…well, pickles are just delicious.  Ask Snooki.  What’s even funnier is Chad Kroeger’s backlash.  This rock star wannabe seriously got offended that a pickle was more popular than him.  This screams middle school girl, not rock star, Chad.  Come on dude, this is probably the most publicity you’ve gotten since “How You Remind Me” came out in 2001.  Gahhh, what an uncomfortably PAINFUL song.

Anyways, it gets worse.  Chad legitimately contacted the group creator with a facebook message titled, “this is chad.”  Bad Chad.  No, No.  OK, we already know your band is pathetic; no need to entrench your image as a loser any more.  From a PR standpoint, this was clearly not the right approach to the situation.   The fact that you actually seem to care makes you more of a laughing stock.  I guess if I was Nickelback’s publicist—apart from the closeted behind-the-back giggling going on–I’d think this can’t be great news.

On the other hand, who honestly cares about Nickelback?  Have you EVER heard of a Nickelback groupie?  Have you EVER anxiously awaited Nickelback tour dates to be announced, hoping one’s coming to a city near you? If this describes you…that’s just questionable.  I am probably not great friends with you, nor do I want to be, sorry.  As a publicist, I’d probably think, “Oh Great! Nickelback is FINALLY being talked about on facebook!”  This is actually great PR for Nickelback.  So just sit back, relax, and grab a juicy pickle.  Not much more you can do.

Perez Hilton has exclusive snapshot of the facebook message, take a look.  It’s hysterical.

photo by perezhilton.com

Making Sweet Haitian Harmony

For those of you who have been living in a hole lately, the remake of Michael Jackson and Lionel Ritchie’s relief anthem, “We Are the World,” aired this past Friday during the opening ceremonies of the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver.    The song, now available on iTunes, reached the No. 2 spot on Billboard’s Top 100 today behind Ke$ha’s “Tik Tok,” –-another great song on a more shallow level.  Artists ranging from little girly-boy Justin Bieber (my guilty pleasure, admittedly) to Celine Dion and Kanye West (who apparently isn’t as “heartless” as we thought) joined in unity.   Quite the motley crew, I must say.  Well, who cares?  Rock on superstars…you are wonderful!!

Whether these artists collaborated out of the goodness of their hearts or for PR brownie points, it’s still an awesome way to get America involved with a country that will be hurting for a long, long time.   I don’t think I’m alone when I say that helping Haiti is a cause I feel passionately about.  So, props people.  Way to be role models for America (yes, even you Lil’ Wayne).  My favorite part of the song was the rap chorus, of course.  SO precious.  You might have caught on by now…I’m a sucker for black rappers and basketball players –don’t ask me why.

Speaking of rappers, I thought it was pretty distasteful of Jay-Z to bash the song.  According to Entertainment Weekly, he said, “I think ‘We Are the World’ is like ‘Thriller’ to me.  I don’t ever wanna see it touched.”  C’mon yo.  Pick another song to ‘dis.  There are pleeenty.   Although Jay-Z has done his part by contributing to the Hope for Haiti Now telethon, any publicist would agree that Haiti is still too sensitive a subject to criticize any related relief effort.  My suggestions?  Next time keep those opinions to yourself.

Regardless, all things considered…I’d say that this was a successful video campaign–great publicity for a great cause.  Keep up the good work celebs!  You ARE making a positive difference for once. Keep rockin’.

Dear John, You’re a D-Bag. Love, America

Congrats.  You’ve been nominated for “Classiest Man of the Year,” John Mayer.  This newest fiasco with your interview in Playboy Magazine released yesterday has really taken discrimination to a whole new level.  How you managed to compare ex-girlfriend Jessica Simpson to cocaine, offend the entire female population, and drop the N-bomb all in one interview beats me.  That’s impressive, dude.  All in the Valentine’s Spirit!

photo by sarafine.wordpress.com

I guess, in John’s defense, Playboy is kind of the anti-Valentine’s mag.  For the record, I still think he’s on crack–just so we get that straight.  Well, I doubt teenyboppers will be googily-eyed over John Mayer this Valentine’s Day.  Instead, many will be taking down their precious posters (perfectly positioned above their beds) to be replaced with a more respectable boy toy.   Take it from me…I swapped my Chris Brown poster with Lebron James this past year.  Although extremely hard to part with my former hip-hop love, a girl’s gotta do her part to preserve a chivalrous society…right?

Since I’m pretty sure John Mayer’s fan base is NOT male-dominated, I think our singer might be in a little bit of a pickle.  What’s funny is his response saying, “I’ve been trying to prove to people I’m not a douche bag by not dating, by keeping my name out of US Weekly.” Are you serious?  That is a douche-y statement in its prime.  You define the word, boy.

Where is John’s poor publicist in this god-forsaken mess?  Man, I do not feel jealous of that job right now—crisis control on steroids.  Let’s take a look at what’s been done so far to fix this situation.  The first apology comes from Twitter, of course.  He tweets, “And while I’m using today for looking at myself under a harsh light, I think it’s time to stop trying to be so raw in interviews…It started as an attempt to not let the waves of criticism get to me, but it’s gotten out of hand and I’ve created somewhat of a monster.”  OK, so you want to be “raw?”  Yeah, yeah I get it; you’re an artist (la-tee-da)…and still an idiot.  None-the-less, I suppose this is a lame attempt at damage control.

Next, he pulls out all the stops with a heartfelt apology during his concert in Nashville on Wednesday, referring to himself as a “wormhole,” whatever that means.  According to entertainment blog, Reuters, “It was an emotional ending to the concert and even had some of Mayer’s band choking up.”  Personally, I think he should grow a pair…but check out the footage and judge for yourself.

Life’s Still Breezy for Lil’ Weezy

Well, kinda.

Coincidental that Dwayne Carter, AKA “Lil’ Wayne,”  dropped a new album, performed on the Grammys, and snagged the cover of Rolling Stone all the week before heading to the big house, Feb. 9?  I think not.

photo by Rolling Stone

Today’s new issue of Rolling Stone was released with none-other-than the glorified criminal himself, Mr. Carter, on the cover.  Not surprisingly, this cash money millionaire has legitimized the phrase, “mo’ money, mo’ problems,” with his 2007 arrest in New York City for possession of a .40 caliber handgun.  Since then, Lil’ Wayne has continued to drop genius lyrics, which have scored him countless billboard hits and dinosaur fame within the rap scene. His much anticipated album, Rebirth, came out yesterday with the intent to commemorate his last few days of freedom.

Alas!  Don’t be disheartened thug friends, Lil’ Wayne shows no signs of this temporary hiatus slowing him down. According to Rolling Stone, Wayne’s manager, Cortez Bryant, plans on keeping Lil’ Wayne alive with a strong presence on social media sites, such as a jailhouse Twitter account (comical), and endorsements.  “I’ll have an iPod, and I’ll make sure they keep sending me beats,” says Lil’ Wayne.  Well, I’m sure the slammer will make for some interesting lyrics.  Expect a song titled, “Don’t Look at Me in the Shower,” or “I Don’t Like Mush for Dinner,” in the near future.  It’s going to be world-shattering–life changing.  SO relatable.

Lucky for Wayne, he really has no need to worry about his image being tarnished.  If anything, this whole “jail thing” has only furthered his career, shooting him to the top of the rap game (literally). And his publicist, whoever that may be, is a rockstar.  Seriously.  Everything he/she has done in the past couple of years, and even in the last couple of weeks, has only lead Wayne to greater domination over the music industry.  Timing is everything with publicity.  So, congrats.  I believe YOU, my friend, have hit the bulls eye.

Well, I can’t imagine prison being much fun…but it looks as if our precious gangsta will survive.   Fortunately enough, if he really wants to, he can even avoid the whole uncomfortable shower thing all together.  Good thing he has dreadlocks and no need for a brush (which may be outlawed in prison, anyway–a weapon of unsusual sorts).  I mean, at least he’s going out with a BANG.  You will be missed, Lil’ Weezy…we will wait anxiously for your return.  Until then, I will follow your jailhouse Twitter.

GAGA for GaGa

Step aside Britney, there’s a new queen of pop waiting to be crowned.

As her latest album title so eloquently denotes, Lady GaGa is a certified “fame monster.”  GaGa is IT, guys.  She is to our decade what Madonna was to the ’80s, and I simply can’t get enough of her.  Her fabulously outrageous behavior is revolutionizing the music industry (or the world, for that matter) one hairdo, one avant garde costume at a time.  What’s even better…this morning, Perez Hilton leaked out a reported Lady GaGa performance at this Sunday’s Grammy Awards, featuring none other than royalty himself, Sir Elton John.  I guess royalty enjoys the company of their own imperial family.  Can you believe it!?  This is heaven on earth.  It is.

photo by perezhilton.com

From a publicist’s standpoint, everything GaGa touches turns to gold.  It’s as if she does everything wrong, but it is somehow all right, if that makes sense.  She has NO boundaries.  I mean really, NONE.  Legendary actress, Sarah Bernhardt, describes publicity as, “The monster of advertisement…is a sort of octopus with innumerable tentacles.  It throws out to right and left, in front and behind, its clammy arms, and gathers in, through its thousand little suckers, all the gossip and slander and praise afloat, to spit out again at the public.” I love this quote.

I feel as if our little “fame monster” takes the same approach.  For that matter, I wouldn’t be surprised if she dressed up as an octopus for her performance at the Grammy Awards this Sunday.  She could whip her tentacles over Elton John’s piano to lend a helping hand…or eight.  If this rumored show extraordinaire is true (which I pray it IS), I think both Lady GaGa and Elton John’s publicists created a brilliant match up.  What’s better publicity than one wacked out artist performing on the music industry’s biggest televised event?  Two.  The highly anticipated performance will be sure to create buzz, entertain, and surprise viewers.  But just don’t be expecting a make-out session on stage (as ironic and wildly absurd as that would be).  This is not MTV.

Ipad or Itampon?

As you may very well know by now, Apple launched its new iPad today, and apparently, Steve Jobs has a sense of humor.

photo by 9to5mac.com

Yes, that’s right.  Yet another toy has been unveiled to unite hipsters and tech savvy geeks alike.  I’ve been following the blog,  9 to 5 Mac, for insightful updates and buzz surrounding today’s big release.  Basically, it looks like the iPad is a cross between an iPhone and a notebook or laptop.  Sounds more to me like it should be called iRobot rather than iPad.

Everyone’s talking.  Unfortunately, it ain’t all good.  Although some techies, such as Stephen Hutcheon, an editor at the Sydney Morning Herald, say the iPad has “sex appeal,” Apple haters across the web have begun to coin the nickname “iTampon.”  The phrase is referenced quite a bit on social media sites, such as twitter and facebook.  To be frank, I find this hilariously disturbing.

Well…I’m pretty sure Apple finds it more disturbing than I do (and probably not hilarious).  I imagine that this is a publicist’s worst nightmare.  What is supposed to be a proud climax following many months of labor and build up is instead undermined by a nickname referring to…well, a woman’s monthly cycle.  No other way of putting it.  Sorry guys.

Action is needed fast, before things get out of hand.  First, in order to live up to Apple’s sexy image, it needs to abort this not-so-sexy name, immediately.  The iPad still has a couple months until it’s release, so I’m sure the good people out in California can think up something to spiff up the name.  Next, we better hope celebrities start taking their iPads with them everywhere. If I were Jobs, you can bet your bottom dollar Hollywood would be receiving a shipment of these babies before the public could purchase them.  The more exposure, the more publicity.  The more endorsement, THE BETTER.  Period (no pun intended).

For a good chuckle check out this video…